Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
