We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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