My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
