the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Floor bacon is actually really good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
