Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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