The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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