Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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