I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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