ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
