Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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