WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
