it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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