y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are we still banned from the library?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
