Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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