Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
