just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
