im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize