I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sarcasm needs its own font
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
