It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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