I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
