come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
