guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
