I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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