soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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