so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
