i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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