Swine flu. Run for my life!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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