I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize