i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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