I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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