My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
