Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
