I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
