So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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