Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Boobs are out for the taking
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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