Betty ford says i'm here all night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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