$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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