There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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