I can tuck mytits in my pants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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