So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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