Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
