i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
