his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
