does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
