I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
