the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
40s are totally the cure
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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