Non-Jews are for practice
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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