ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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