More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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