YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
