I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
