I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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