True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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