She is in my trunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
