I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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