she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
