i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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