i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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