Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
