Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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