he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
