You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
