It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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